shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
