Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
