Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
