"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
