My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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