how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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