I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
