I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
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