Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
