just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
