he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
