She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We had sex on a dog bed..
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize