the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
