I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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