She went from zero to smokin in five shots
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
