I wannas sexs uuuuu
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
