Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
