she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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