he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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