he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
