Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
