I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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