Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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