i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
