So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
