Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
that may or may not have been my penis.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
