i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
