I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
