Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
