god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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