I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
