he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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