im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
