btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
