My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
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