if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
