her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
