She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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