yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize