He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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