OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
True but thats because hes a fetus.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
