I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
