This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
