I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
