Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
