question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
