woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
