i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize