My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
