my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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