I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
