Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
