I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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