I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
