My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
