Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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