Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
