Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
