i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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