i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Randomize
