I seem to have left my pride at pride
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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