just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
