Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I need mimosas to revive my soul
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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