I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
