Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
