Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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