bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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