you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
