the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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