You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
