just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
