Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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