Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
