I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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