He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
