Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize