I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
