Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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