He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
