I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
