The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
