No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i think i have herpe
just one?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
