you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
