shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
