Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
