i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize