I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
50% drunk capacity currently
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
