Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
