take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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