I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
