i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
