they need to just BURY HIM!
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
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