every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
