I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
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