i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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