i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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