Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
smell my finger.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
