we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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