areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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