I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
