I think my vagina is haunted
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
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