you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
