that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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