she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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