Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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