Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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