It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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